It is against the laws of computer animation to produce a bee. This is not to say it can be done, and is not; rather, it is widely known to be impossible. The polygons simply don’t fit together correctly; it is unknown how bees appear three-dimensional in the wild.
So when Jerry Seinfeld approached Paramount with a brief treatment about a CGI bee, they were excited. They were getting the Seinfeld name, and they were going to show the world they could make a computer-animated picture about something no one else would dare to - bees.
But man-years of work produced only hideous, Groeningesque mockeries of the bee form. Millions of dollars were down the tube. In desperation, they settled on a final gambit: if they could not make a bee for Seinfeld, they would make a bee OF Seinfeld.
Over the course of a year, Jerry Seinfeld, then aged 52, underwent a gradual transformation at the behest of his new patrons at Paramount. Hundreds of procedures, costing tens of millions of dollars, caused Seinfeld to resemble an immense bee more than a human man. The executives at Paramount were unsettled by his grotesque transformation, and disturbed by the mounting costs of making a man into a bee, but they considered the patented Seinfeld style and the technical marvel worth the financial and human costs.
Paramount forged ahead with shooting, and Seinfeld forged ahead with the procedures. They finished the mo-cap for his new bee body in two horrifying weeks. Interns confirm Seinfeld refused to wear clothing - that he was fully nude for the duration of shooting, exposing his increasingly alien stinging genital. He was more bee than man now, and the world knew it - and he knew it.
But what Paramount did not anticipate, could not anticipate, was the effect of the gradual transformation on Seinfeld’s mind. Successive iterations of the script, as the scalpel and pint after pint of bee signalling peptides reshaped his body, became more and more incomprehensible to humans. Obsessed with hierarchies of power, and with stinging. Months into the scriptwriting process, Seinfeld confessed to co-star and personal friend John Goodman that he feared his drive to sting intruders had overtaken the procreative urge he understood he should have - which, as a drone, was increasingly alien to him.
The result was a disaster, even in test audiences. Shell-shocked Paramount executives asked Seinfeld why what was ostensibly a children’s film had long, dark, involved jokes about suicide pacts, the reparations issue, legal procedure, and genital mutilation. Seinfeld, without batting one of his many eyes, told the executives that his task was to vomit the nourishment of his ideas onto the young.
The turd was, at this point, complete. They had no choice but to polish it. Tens of millions of dollars went into an unprecedented ad campaign, in the hopes that buzz marketing would accrue to their technically proficient if alarmingly inhuman project. Seinfeld, for his part, was forcibly restored to a state resembling human, receiving dozens of transplants of pig and sheep organs and skin to permit a promotional tour.
Oddly enough, in candid interviews he has given since, Seinfeld confesses that the “restoration” process galled him more than his original bee metamorphosis. He has said - off the record - that human thoughts still feel alien in his brain, and he has not been able to feel fully safe and secure since his stinger was surgically removed.
His hope - and the reason he went along with his promotional tour in his mutilated and foreign human body - was for a Bee Movie sequel, and a chance therein to escape to the wild, fleeing Paramount and the strictures of human society. But Bee Movie was a notorious bomb, and Seinfeld lacks the money or the connections to illegal doctors to have anything like the procedures he had in 2006-7. If “to bee or not to bee” is Seinfeld’s question, Paramount has answered it for him: not to bee; never to bee again.
But bees have a long, long memory.
Q:You should draw a puma wearing puma shoes.
This is one criminally underrated Batman villain.
This is one of my favorite batman villains and she has only a little bit of screen-time. Also it should be pointed out that as soon as she reached the mirror her voice stopped being her usual childish voice and changed to what her voice would sound like at her own age.
Her name is Marion Louise Dahl and her body is unable to age past her childhood state. She made a living starring as a child star in various sitcoms, most famously Love That Baby. She was portrayed at 5 even though she was about the age of 20. Her character was named Baby Doll and was a trouble-making sweatheart whose catchphrase was "I didn’t mean to!" When she tried acting in other rolls than her character Baby Doll they all said her acting was atrocious. She was turned down after her character had lived out its charm on television and she was cursed to continue living as a child. Although she wanted to grow up, Marion couldn’t.
Here is a YouTube link to this scene so you can see how it really sounded.
Twitch Plays Pokemon is the wildest thing I have ever watched and I frankly can’t stop.
If you’ve been living under a rock (or you’re just not up on Pokemon news, that could be a thing, in which case, your life must be so very sad), there’s a Twitch chat room with far too many people in it undergoing what the creator refers to as a “social experiment.” Each person in the chat submits a command they want the player to do and, with a 20-30 second delay, the Pokemon Trainer does the command.
It’s made it the most frustrating game of Pokemon ever played but also the best. Because they’ve been playing for five days straight, have four badges, and have somehow maneuvered two cave mazes.
Due to the delay and trolls, we have often found our poor trainer opening his menu, checking his bag, and looking to the Helix Fossil he acquired in Mount Moon.
Which of course, does nothing.
But in the middle of a Pokemon battle, better open my bag and check on the Helix Fossil.
About to cut down a tree. Better open my bag and check on the Helix Fossil.
I’m trying to enter this cave. Gosh, I need to make sure I haven’t dropped my Helix Fossil.
The people in the chat room have come to the conclusion that the Helix Fossil is an artifact of the Pokemon Trainer’s religion and that his ultimate goal is to resurrect Omanyte from the fossil.
Oh yes, they’ve brought religion into the game.
Even to the point where, when players in the chat were discussing that they needed a Pokemon to learn Surf, some had said “Let’s just wait until we get a Lapras later in the game. That just gets handed to us and will be much easier to do and we won’t run the risk of needing to deposit anybody in the PC and accidentally releasing anybody.” (We’ve already accidentally released our starter, so our current strongest Pokemon is a Pidgeot we call Based Pidgeot or Bird Jesus)
Others said “Let’s pick up the Eevee from Celadon Town! We’ll go to the Department Store, buy a Water Stone, and get a Vaporeon! It will be much better.”
We wasted all of our money on 8 Poke Dolls and an accidentally purchased Fire Stone.
Flareon has been called a heretic in this game.
Flareon is literally Satan to these players.
You weren’t there for the Celadon Department Store, okay. We got lost in there for one whole day and I watched it happen. It was awful. The work we put into getting this dumbass Flareon was awful.
So, we had to deposit Flareon in the PC because he was utterly useless. Which was when we accidentally released our Charmeleon.
The players determined this was simply what the Helix Fossil wanted and we had to trust in our Bird Jesus and never follow false gods again. Just let Lapras happen. Trust in the Helix Fossil.
Now, the players had been stuck in Rocket Hideout on those damn moving arrows for exactly two days. So the creator instated a chatroom based vote where you could decide on anarchy—the way we had been playing the whole time with individual players participating in a free-for-all—or democracy.
If 75% of the players had agreed on one form of governing, that was the system we were currently using in chat.
Democracy involves each player submitting a command and the game tallying to see which action is voted for most and popular vote wins.
This game has user-inserted religion and now creator inserted government.
The players spend so much time arguing over which form of government to use that we often get nowhere.
This is the weirdest virtual reality based Japanese RPG I have ever seen.
I have no idea what kind of social experiment the person who created this chat room is trying to do—they wish to remain anonymous—but this is positively delicious mayhem and I may never see this many people excited about a game made in 1996 again.
Oh my God I had been wondering what in the hell was going on with Twitch plays Pokemon and now I know.
Gargoyles Legally Available on Youtube Free in the US
Disney has posted the entirety of Gargoyles on Youtube for your viewing pleasure (if you live in the US or have a good proxy).
Incidentally, if someone wants to do a gargoyles watch party over the weekend, I’m totally in.
tips to write college papers
- begin with “buckle your seatbelts, motherfuckers, because in eight short pages i am going to learn u a thing that i only learned myself about two hours ago, so sit down, shut up, and enjoy the experience of my 4-am-redbull-induced-self-hatred-fuelled-writing-extravaganza”
- erase when finished with the paper
BUT THIS ACTUALLY WORKS
MAKE SURE YOU ERASE IT THOUGH
I FORGOT TO ERASE IT
Time, we can never escape from it. It changes everything and everyone.
i dont know that pen looks perfectly ok
the pen actually changes mentally, it takes up smoking and get’s in with a bad crowd. we are all worried about the pen