Why can’t I just use a word for its definition?
Because language is not a constant, concrete thing, and words and their meanings change ALL THE TIME. One of the dictionary definitions of the word faggot is “a bundle of sticks or twigs, especially when bound together and used as fuel,” but if you think that means I’m going to just smile at someone should they hurl that word my way.
I have never heard of anyone being offended by using the word retarded in an appropriate manner (think a science class discussing plant growth), but nobody uses the word like that. Unfortunately, more often than not, the word is used in an ableist manner, and that’s just fucked up. I apologize the world doesn’t remain constant for you, but by saying that people need to not be “so uptight” you are yourself being ableist, and that is not okay in any whay, shape, or form, and you need to check your privilege.
Also, I’m a musician too, and I still think this is one of the dumbest arguments I’ve ever heard. Who the hell speaks in musical notation?